How to Get Out of Her Friend Zone: Make Her Fall For You
The Friend Zone Exists
Why haven't you ended up together? It's clear: you've encountered a problem and have been wrongly labelled. Although some argue against its reality, the friendzone is absolutely real. All of us have faced the moment when the nicest, loveliest girl regards us only as a plain friend.
You've always been able to sense her needs and stand by her side, but no romantic bond has formed. Possibly, you've been close to this woman for years, have openly shown your affection, and stressed how much she means to you - still, she regards you as just a friend. Surprise: She likely knows how you feel but fears risking the friendship.
It's not easy to be in the friend zone. It is frustrating, confusing, and can be very hurtful at times. Like, why can't she see that you are the one who's always there every time she cries over guys who don't treat her right? And all the time, she asks you "Why can't men be like you?" as you try to summon all the courage you have to ask her why she can't just date you instead. But what you manage to give is just a faint smile.
Hey, you should know that this isn't your end game! You can still turn things around and make her your girl. Do you think you can't? Well, if you manage to survive in the friend zone pit, you can totally escape from it. You are a great person, and you just have to make her see that.
Warning: You're Entering the Friend Zone
Before even plotting a plan on how to get out of the friend zone, you have to check if you are actually in it. Let's face it; women are quite trickier to read compared to men. There are some signals she's sending that you might misinterpret into thinking that she's not into you or vice versa.
To help you assess your current "friend zone" status, we've listed common signs that you're entering the friend zone:
1. You have a pet name.
Yes, pet names are cute, and a lot of couples have one for each other. But do make sure that her pet name for you doesn't have "brother," "buddy," "friend," "poo head," or anything alike to that.
2. You are her "shopping buddy."
Have you ever met a guy who, in the right mind, goes with a girl as she shops? Aside from all the other guys in the friend zone, and the boyfriends and husbands who clearly had no other choice, nope, not yet. Women don't bring men to fitting rooms, nor do they let them pick what clothes to buy. Generally, men hate shopping. So, when you're being her "shopping buddy", she will most probably think that you are just being a good friend who loves carrying things for her. Ha!
3. She is your number one wingman.
One of the obvious signs that she doesn't see you in a romantic light is when she sets you up on a date with another girl. If she likes you, she will not let you know about that friend who's crushing on you.
4. You are her shoulder to cry on.
If you're the guy she calls after a bad break up, or after a stupid argument she had with someone she likes, then you're probably just her guy best friend. She is too comfortable with you that she trusts you in her most vulnerable moments, which could be a bad thing especially when she's not yet aware of your feelings for her. Actually, even the fact that she cries about some other guy in front you is already a red flag.
5. She's drunk, and you're still friends.
All hidden feelings come out of hiding when people get drunk. So when you two are drinking together, and there are no drunk kisses or drunk confessions of love, then she probably has nothing to confess. You're her friend when she's sober, and you're still her friend when she's drunk. Nothing more, nothing less.
6. She is taken or currently dating someone.
Face it. If you're not the one she's dating, then you are in her friend zone. This also applies when she starts talking to you about guys she wishes would date her. No girl would ever share something like this to someone she considers to date someday.
Reasons That You're Stuck in the Friend Zone
Girls don't just sort men into who's in the friend zone and who's not without a reason. There's an old saying that says, "There's a reason for everything." This is true not only to life events but also to why you're stuck in the friend zone.
1. You are a little too available.
Don't get it wrong, being available for someone is a good thing, but being too available is a different subject. A common mistake guys make is saying yes to all of a girl's requests and invitations. You're probably already her go-to guy, her shopping buddy, her lunch guy, and the one guy friend she can bring as a pretend date to a wedding at last minute's notice. The always-available guys are usually the ones who earn the biggest spot in the friend zone. Simply because they have been literally always there that they are taken for granted for it.
2. Your intentions are not clear.
You've been friends for months, even years, yet, she still doesn't know what your intentions are. What usually happens is that men act nice towards women with no hints of sexual or romantic intentions. Men often assume that their kind gestures should speak for their intentions. But in case you weren't informed, most of the women will take any kind gesture from anyone as something platonic.
3. You don't think you're good enough for her.
Sometimes without even knowing, you are putting yourself in the friend zone just by simply thinking that you are not good enough for her. This boils down to a lack of confidence and self-value.
4. You are just not her type.
You're an amazing guy and yet you're in the friend zone. Unfortunately, just like men, women have a "type" of guy they particularly like. If you think you're a pretty date-able guy, then you're probably in her friend zone because you're not her type. But don't worry, most of the time, types can be easily copied so observe her likes and dislikes, and be her type!
5. You are scared to lose her.
When you find yourself being in the friend zone for so long, it could be that you are scared of losing her in your life. You are uncertain of how she will react if you tell her your feelings, so you choose to keep quiet and hope she'll magically realise how much you love her.
Becoming the Boyfriend
Okay, you're in the friend zone, so, now what? We say, get up and start working your way out there! Every problem has a solution; you just have to find it. Lucky for you, we have all that you need to make her want you.
1. Make yourself a priority and stop giving her special treatments.
One of the things that most men fail to do is to prioritise themselves. We get it, you're in love, but that's no excuse to come rushing to her whenever she needs you. If you have deadlines to meet or important meetings to attend to at the same time as they "need" you, choose to prioritise yourself. You are not a hero. You have your own life and own problems to fix, so stop giving her the special treatments. Being too nice is what makes guys fall into the friend zone.
Why? Well, most girls see the always-nice-guys as someone who is like a brother to them. We're not saying that you should act like a complete douchebag towards her, but be nice while keeping her interested in you. Being the guy who always carries her bags when she shops will not make you into her boyfriend. The trick is to learn how to make her crave for the nice version of you.
2. Be unpredictable and make yourself scarce.
Being predictable is boring. If you don't give her a reason to be thrilled about you, then don't expect her to date you anytime soon. If you end up doing the same things over and over again, she might lose interest in you and push you into her friend zone. You can do that by making her miss you. Limiting your availability and time you spend with her will increase her interest towards you. This will make her realise how much she likes hanging out with you.
Reply to her texts two hours after you've received it, or even refrain from texting her once in a while. This will stir up her ego and will make her wonder why you're not texting her as often as before. Play with her thoughts and emotions a little, just enough to keep her wondering. You have no idea how much girls love a touch of drama in their life.
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You can also try to ask her out, but make sure that it's out of the ordinary. Go on adventures together or go try exotic foods. Once she realises that she can't read you, she'll go crazy about you and will always look forward to the next date.
3. Show her that you are wanted.
The goal is to change the way she sees you. If she only ever sees you as the guy who has no other social life aside from spending time pleasing her, then you have to do something about that. Date other girls, and show her that you are boyfriend material. Don't be so hung up on the fact that you are in love with your friend. If she hasn't shown you interest yet, then go and find someone who has.
Yes, you like her, but since it seems like she's not into you, start dating other girls and make sure she knows it. Jealousy is a powerful thing you can play with! If she sees you with another girl, she's going to want you back.
4. Be a better version of yourself.
Focus on improving yourself. Try new things, read more, hit the gym, or change your wardrobe. Do anything that can help you gain more confidence. The right amount of confidence is so hot on anyone.
Being insecure will only sink you deeper into the friend zone. If you're currently in the friend zone and your friend talks to you about the cute guy she met at the bar, don't act jealous. Play it cool and compliment the guy she's talking about. Use some reverse psychology on her and show her that you are confident in yourself and are not afraid or intimidated by anyone.
5. Add a little spice to your friendship.
If you really want to win her, you need to develop a sexual attraction between the two of you. Adding a little touch and occasionally teasing her can make her change the way she looks at you. Be the nice guy but be flirty sometimes.
One of the reasons why men are put in the friend zone is because they fail to show their sexuality. Women, most of the time, withdraw from men who are not sexually open. So if you want to get out of the friend zone, show her that you are capable of being sexual.
You can do this by gently touching her arm when you talk to each other or come up with a good reason to take her hand. Read her palm and drop hints of what you want to happen. Trace the lines of her palm and say some pickup lines like "Oh, it says you think I'm hot" or something similar to that. Don't underestimate these little things. They spark sexual attraction and can help you move from being "just friends" to being a potential boyfriend.
6. Tell her how you feel.
Stop assuming that she already knows your feelings for her. The truth is she probably doesn't. Make your intentions clear and tell her that you see her as more than just a friend. Of course, you have to drop hints that you like her first before dropping the "I love you" bomb at her. If you confess your feelings on a bad timing (without the pregame), you will end up making her feel uncomfortable and awkward about it. It is not going to be easy, but you have to get it out there.
7. Take it slow and stop treating her as a friend.
Everything takes time, getting out of the friend zone will not happen overnight, especially if you're dealing with a long-standing friendship. Be patient. If you try to rush the process, you will only make her feel uncomfortable. Pushing too hard or too fast will cause you to lose everything. But remember that now that she knows about your feelings, you can stop acting like you just want her to be your friend. No, you don't have to act like his boyfriend either. Just ask her out on a real date or send her flowers without her thinking that you're just nice. Do what a suitor would do and see where it goes!
8. Know her romantic standards.
Girls have romantic standards when it comes to their ideal guy. If your girl has dated other men before, try to find their common traits and see if it's something you can be.
Part of getting her to be your girlfriend is passing her standards. Once she sees that you have ticked off her boxes, she'll consider you as one of her options and maybe even take a chance on you after telling her how you feel.
9. Flirt with her.
Flirting, when done right, can get you to where you want to be! You can start with subtle flirting like keeping eye-contact or letting your touch linger on her. Don't be afraid to compliment her in a teasing or sexy way. Be confident. Show her that you know what you're doing. Girls love it when guys take the lead, especially in these matters. Observe how she reacts every time you flirt, if she responds then, congratulations, you're a few more flirting away to winning her.
10. Win her friends.
You might be asking why the hell should you make an effort to win her friends? We say, why not? Just imagine, if you won her friends' hearts, then they will have tons of positive things to say about you. Use her friends as your wingman. Once her friends see how you guys are so fit for each other, she will start seeing that too.
She said no, What do I do?
Some things in life are just not meant for us. Rejection sucks and will make you feel like crap. Know that the world doesn't revolve around a single person, so don't let it take the best of you.
It's okay to be disappointed, angry, or sad as long as you don't stay there for a long time. If you've tried everything to show her that you love her, yet she chooses not to reciprocate, that means it's time to stop pursuing.
It is not going to be easy. Deciding to let her go is an everyday commitment of doing anything that it takes to cleanse yourself of your feelings for her. Face it like a grown-up. If you're still trying to figure out how, this could help you:
1. Respect her decision.
A no is a no. If she doesn't want to be more than just friends with you, respect her decision. Don't push yourself to someone who doesn't like you back because if you do, you will only end up hurting yourself. There is also a great chance that you will annoy her and would end up ruining the friendship you both have.
2. Acknowledge your feelings.
It's okay not to be okay. It won't make you less of a man if you admit that you are sad and hurt. Acknowledging how you genuinely feel about rejection is the first step to emotional healing.
2. Acknowledge your feelings.
It's okay not to be okay. It won't make you less of a man if you admit that you are sad and hurt. Acknowledging how you genuinely feel about rejection is the first step to emotional healing.
3. Don't blame yourself.
It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. Just because you got rejected doesn't mean that you failed. The attempt to shift the relationship failed, and not you. Learn how to accept that not everything goes according to plan.
4. Talk to your close friends.
You don't have to face this alone. Opening up to someone can be difficult, but it will help you feel better. Talk to your close friends. They will help you get through this period.
5. Move on.
Get yourself busy with things you love doing. Take time to focus on yourself and explore things you haven't tried before. It also helps to keep your distance with her and surround yourself with new people or find yourself a new environment to be in.
6. Be friends with her again.
After giving yourself a break, rekindle the friendship between the two of you. Just make sure that this time, you are actively choosing to be in the friend zone. Show her that you are cool with everything that had happened and that you can be friends with her again.
Founder of Datingscout and Author of the book "Online Dating for Dummies"